Stinks Like Teen Spirit
by Smileyfax
Summary: Daria neglects her personal hygiene due to a bet with Jane. Hilarity ensues. Rated M for some particularly disgusting nonsexual scenes.


Inspired by the Disgusting Daria Iron Chef challenge on the PPMB.

**oooooooooo**

Mr. O'Neill was concerned for Daria.

For the past several days, he had noticed that she was becoming more and more... hygienically challenged. A rather strong odor had come to surround her, clearing out most of the students who sat around her, apart from her friend Jane. Her clothing had not been changed in several days and was visibly stained; most disturbing were the sweat stains that had appeared on her jacket upon coming to school that morning.

However, Mr. O'Neill was sensitive to Daria's feelings, and so did not confront her about it.

"Today, class, we're going to discuss Mark Twain..."

He trailed off as Daria put one of her legs up onto the desk and pulled off the boot. The stench in the room increased dramatically. Some of the other students started making gagging noises. She peeled off the sock and casually draped it over her shoulder. Mr. O'Neill could barely stand up, the fumes made him so dizzy. Finally, bravely, he approached his wayward student.

"Um, Daria, has something been bothering you lately?" he asked.

She shook her head no and began chewing off her toenails. This was followed by a loud chorus of "EWWWWW!"s from the rest of the class as they hastily fled the room. Mr. O'Neill followed suit, backing away slowly as Daria spat the nails into her hand, which she then deposited into one of the pockets of her jacket.

Jane harrumphed. "Well, that was one classroom, but Mr. O'Neill was too easy. Mr. DeMartino won't be so easily intimidated. You still have to earn that $100."

Daria waved off Jane's reminder. "Trust me, Lane, this is going to be the easiest $100 I ever swindled from you."

**oooooooooo**

Mr. DeMartino contemptuously eyed his students' refusal to be seated. "Class, what is your PROBLEM? Is there anything wrong with the SEATING ARRANGEMENT?"

Kevin spoke up. "It's, like, Daria!" he said, by way of explanation.

Mr. DeMartino turned to her: his, if not favorite, then at least most dedicated student. She and Jane were the only two students actually seated. He turned back to Kevin. "Mr. THOMPSON, I don't see any PROBLEM with HER! I DO see nearly TWENTY OTHER PROBLEMS!"

Kevin attempted a more in-depth explanation. "Like, smell her, man! She's rank!"

Brittany piped in. "Yeah! Angie said she was chewing her toenails in Mr. O'Neill's class!"

Mr. DeMartino once again eyed Daria. He had a very poor sense of smell, but upon second examination, she did indeed appear to be soiled. He walked closer, took a good whiff --

**oooooooooo**

-- and swatted the hand away from his nose.

"Watch it, buddy," the school nurse reprimanded as she disposed of the capsule of smelling salts.

Mr. DeMartino looked around. He hadn't been in the nurse's office before. He sniffed deeply again. The departing odor of the salts was swiftly replaced by the sterile smell that medical supplies have about them. Suddenly, a much fouler odor barged its way into his olfactory senses, and the door opened.

Daria, though impassive on the outside, was slightly concerned for Mr. DeMartino, one of the only halfway sane teachers in Lawndale High. "Will class be dismissed for the day, Mr. DeMartino?" she asked.

He glared at her. "Ms. Morgendorffer, I don't know what STUNT you're trying to pull, but --"

Jane, standing behind Daria, cut him off. "Gee, it's a shame that Ms. Li had the floor mopped and didn't bother to put down a 'Wet Floor' sign!" she said loudly.

Daria picked up on it. "You're right, Jane," she said in an equally facetious tone. "It sure is a good thing we got Mr. DeMartino to the nurse. He might have been hurt by Ms. Li's negligence."

DeMartino's eyes narrowed, then a smirk broke out on his face. "Well played, Ms. Lane," he murmured, then sat up and faked a hurt back. "AAAAAAAGH!" he called out, drawing the nurse's attention. "I don't think I can get up. I won't be able to make it back to class!" he complained. Daria briefly smiled as she and Jane left, with Jane muttering about gym class.

**oooooooooo**

"Alright, girls, let's start some drills!" Ms. Morris called. She turned to Daria. "Except you, Morgendorffer. Hit the showers!"

Daria shrugged. "The showers broke last week, remember?"

Ms. Morris frowned as she remembered ranting to Ms. Li that her stupid student ID system had taken money out of the repair and maintenance budget for the school's plumbing.

"Fine then, get on the bleachers. All the way to the top!"

Daria shook her head. "But Ms. Morris, it's important that I work on my cartwheels, splits and aerials. Isn't it Focus on Agility month?"

Ms. Morris' scowl deepened. "Morgendorffer, you're not even in gym clothes!" she practically shouted.

Daria looked down at her attire, then shrugged her jacket off. Slack-jawed, Ms. Morris could only watch as Daria then peeled off her orange-tan t-shirt, revealing her gym shirt underneath. The grotesque stench only increased as Daria stripped the clothing off. Finally, she pushed her skirt down, revealing the gym shorts underneath. Ms. Morris was nearly gagging, and couldn't order Daria to leave, or warn the other students to run for their lives.

She approached the other students and joined them as they performed jumping jacks. Quickly sounds of disgust filled the gymnasium as the students recoiled from their activities before they were overwhelmed as Ms. Morris was.

Daria approached Ms. Morris again. "What next, Ms. Morris? Sit-ups? Push-ups? Laps?"

"Get...get cough out..." Ms. Morris ordered feebly, her eyes watering from the overpowering odor.

"Class dismissed?" Daria inquired. The teacher weakly nodded her head. Daria leaned down, took the whistle, and blew. The other students filed out as fast as they could. Daria set the whistle back onto Ms. Morris' chest and ventured to the locker room to change out of the gym clothes, with Jane following.

"She's probably going to burn that whistle before she throws away the ashes," Jane commented.

"I know," Daria replied.

**oooooooooo**

Jodie and Mack were waiting in the lunch line. It was moving unusually fast.

"Mack, have you heard what Daria's been up to today?" Jodie asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure if I believe it. I mean, Daria can get up to some weird stuff, but I don't think she's even capable of --"

They reached the head of the lunch line. Daria was in the kitchen, preparing the food trays. "Hi Jodie, Mack," she greeted them. "The cafeteria people all went on break when I came by."

Jodie and Mack suddenly looked around. Not a single person had a school lunch. They turned back to Daria. "Um, Daria?" Jodie questioned.

"Yes, Jodie?" Daria asked in reply. She lifted one leg and let out a rather loud fart.

"Uh." Jodie was dumbstruck. "Uh."

"Um, Daria, is there any reason you're...uh..." Mack tried.

Daria thrust a finger into her nose, found an appropriate subject, examined the booger, and ate it.

"...Oh Jesus," Mack uttered. He and Jodie hastily retreated from the cafeteria.

Daria shrugged. She'd explain it to them tomorrow.

**oooooooooo**

Daria approached her locker to get the books for next class. She felt a presence behind her and turned. It was Upchuck.

"Why hello, my...oh God, what is that smell?" He raised a hand to his nose. Daria impassively lifted her skirt, revealing her heavily stained underwear. A large dull red patch in the middle was obviously where she had menstruated without bothering to clean it up; the rest was mostly yellow, from what Upchuck prayed was accumulated sweat. A bare second after observing Daria's undergarment, he fled, screaming at the top of his lungs.

**oooooooooo**

The last class had finally finished (early, thanks to Daria's condition) and she and Jane were preparing to leave the building.

"Not so fast, Miss Morgendorffer."

Ms. Li, principal of Lawndale High, stopped them.

"You have done nothing but disrupt class after class today --"

"Have I?" Daria countered.

Ms. Li angrily nodded. "First, Mr. O'Neill comes into my office, crying about how he was somehow responsible for your bad hygiene. Then, Mr. DeMartino claims that he slipped and fell, despite the fact that today the janitors are off. Ms. Morris is too concerned with boiling her whistle to tell me anything."

She gestured to Jodie and Mack, who were standing behind her.

"I caught Mr. Mackenzie and Miss Landon, as well as several other students, trying to get an off-campus lunch. They refuse to admit it, but I have a feeling your hand was involved in this as well. And Charles Ruttheimer has barricaded himself in Mrs. Bennett's classroom, screaming. In one day, you have managed to utterly tarnish the glory of Lllllllawndale --"

Daria held up a finger. "'Scuse me."

Ms. Li, put off, waited for Daria to speak. Instead, her face scrunched up, and she grunted.

The foul smell surrounding Daria suddenly increased tenfold, launching a full-scale assault on the senses of Angela Li. Her eyes begin to water and her nostrils began to burn as Daria bore her clenched teeth.

To Ms. Li's utmost horror, Daria's underwear slid into view from beneath her skirt. They were weighed down by--

No.

No.

Mack and Jodie had already fled, but Ms. Li was completely unaware of that as she was mesmerized by the clump of human feces dragging Daria's panties down her legs. Finally, as it reached her boots, Ms. Li could take no more. She threw up, coating Daria's entire front with bile and unidentifiable food. She fell to her knees, another stream of vomit splattering the floor.

Gently, Daria stepped out of the soiled panties, wadded them up, and placed them in the same coat pocket she stored her toenails in. She noticed some of her poop had gotten on her hands. She looked at the few students remaining in the hallways, staring at her in varying shades of horror and disgust. Deliberately, she licked her hand clean. The remaining students fled, some retching.

As they walked out of school, Daria extended her soiled hand to Jane. Grudgingly, Jane placed the $100 bill in her hand. "I have to admit," Jane finally said. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"Well, Jane, it's not in me anymore, is it?" Daria remarked.

Jane shuddered.

**oooooooooo**

"Mom! Dad! Daria! I'm home!" Quinn shouted. She had just returned from a trip to New York she and the rest of the Fashion Club had embarked upon.

She took her luggage upstairs (in several trips, naturally) and heard the shower running. When she had put the last of her suitcases into her room, the shower had stopped running. Daria stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around her body and another wrapped on her head. She held a large garbage bag in one hand. "Hey, Quinn." Jane then stepped out of Daria's room, gave a "Yo!" to Quinn, and took the bag from Daria.

Quinn stared at the bag. "What's in there? Gawd, I can smell it from here."

"Just some trash," Daria replied.

"Did I miss anything important at school?" Quinn inquired. She was more focused on her studies ever since last summer.

"Just the same old same old," Daria stated, smiling briefly.

**oooooooooo**

Jane rang the doorbell, dropped the bag and the note, and dashed back to the Tank. "Drive, Trent!" she shouted. The Tank took off at the roaring speed of 20 miles per hour.

Tom answered the door to find nobody there. A garbage bag with a note rested at his feet. He wondered at the van speeding off into the distance as he leaned down to read the note.

'To Tom, with all my love. Daria.'

He smiled and began to open the bag...


End file.
